Anytime, Anywhere

Gotta love Queens of the Stone Age....

You should be listening to....

JENNY LEWIS (Rilo Kiley) and The Watson Twins

I love Miss Van

Lego Train bombing

Legoland just got a little more interesting....

haculla

Hariff!
One of my favorite NYC peoples....
Saw this and thought of you.

To know you is hard and we wonder.....

I'm coming up only to hold you under
I'm coming up only to show you wrong
And to know you is hard and we wonder
To know you all wrong, we were

Really too late to call, so we wait for
Morning to wake you; it's all we got
To know me as hardly golden
Is to know me all wrong, they were

At every occasion I'll be ready for a funeral
At every occasion once more is called a funeral
Every occasion I'm ready for the funeral
At every occasion one brilliant day funeral

I'm coming up only to show you down for
I'm coming up only to show you wrong
To the outside, the dead leaves, they all blow
For'e they died had trees to hang their hope

At every occasion I'll be ready for the funeral
At every occasion once more is called the funeral
At every occasion I'm ready for the funeral
At every occasion one brilliant day funera

l

"Scandalous Bitches are full of Voodoo"

We all know one. You know who I am talking about....this is the girl that acts like she is your friend to your face but then constantly tries to ruin you behind your back. This girl not only does this to you- but she does it to everyone around her. You've found yourself listening to her talk about everyone you know and at some point you check yourself and think, "What the hell is she saying about me behind my back?". Beware of the girl that harbors a secret hatred for all the pretty girls in the room.

Its about time...

Mickey Avalon Video. Proof that if you truely believe you can do something, anything is possible.

Silent Friends

Did that Really Just Happen?......

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you so badly want to believe something that your heart and your head start a kind of war with one another? Well today, my heart and my brain are in an all out cage fight somewhere in mexico and my heart is wearing brass knuckles and my head forgot to bring a weapon to this fight. I hate this feeling.

Yeah, he's with me.....

Basically this is the guy I continue to date Over and Over again.

I love weird stuff.

Sam3


listen to Little Dragon (so good!)

Rocket Man

Did you know that the song Rocket Man was based on a short story by Ray Bradbury in the book The Illustrated Man? The book is amazing. You need to read it.

"The Rocket Man" — An astronaut's job keeps him away from home for long stretches of time, so he has little time with his wife and son, only visiting them for a period of three days at a time. The story is told from the perspective of the son, who holds an interest in becoming an astronaut too. However, his father explains to him that while the stars are beautiful, what he really wants is being with his family. Sensing that his wife is unhappy with him being at home so little, the father makes a promise to the son that he will be quitting his job after his next mission to spend more time with them. At the end of the story, the son and his mother learn that his ship fell into the sun, and from then on, they do not venture outside during the day in remembrance of him.

A Garage Sale of Memories

I had a garage sale at my house this weekend and amongst the chaos of people trying to buy everything I own for less than a dollar, I found one thing that was priceless in the pile of junk...our scrap book. I forgot I had the book I made for him mixed in with my things. I must have put it in the garage almost a year ago when things went bad to keep my self from obsessing over the pictures, notes and cards contained inside this book. Ironically, this scrap book had to pop up just when I started feeling like I had taken a few steps forward for the first time in 11 months. All it took was opening this book and I immediately took a bunch of steps backward... into what is probably the wrong direction.

The contents of our scrapbook do not match the portrait of the picture he paints of our relationship....the one where we are always fighting and he thinks I was so unhappy. Actually, the contrary is true. These photographic moments are the glue that holds a relationship together. No one is there with a camera for the fights and the tears because those aren't the times we are supposed to dwell on- they are what happens in between the good stuff. Its the moments contained in these photos that get you through the bad times. They are the moments worth fighting for, the moments that make you want to chase after the girl you once loved before she puts away the scrapbook and never takes it out again.

Swoon

Love this artist and her story. Totally romantic ;)

Swoon, On Becoming SWOON
My boyfriend at the time was very influential in my work. He was born and raised in Manhattan and we were both in love with the city. He woke up one morning and said to me, “I had this dream last night that you were a tagger and you wrote the name SWOON. We were running from the police and all I could think about was how beautiful your name was.”

Later, when I started doing a lot of work on the street, I remembered the name SWOON from his story. I had also read about a time when a woman would wear corsets so tight that she would pass out. They romanticized it and called it a swoon. It was as if the moment overtook her. But in reality she passed out because she was wearing restrictive fashion. And I thought that it was good that women have evolved to a place where we’re not doing this to ourselves anymore. I look at the word SWOON as a body of work, not as my name. SWOON is not me. I’m not Swoon. SWOON is like a way of thinking. It’s a body of work. It’s a series of interrelating thoughts."

Read the whole article, its really good.....
http://swindlemagazine.com/issue04/swoon/

I want to be the girl with the most cake.

Brittany this one is for you. Get mad. It helps ;)

I want to be the girl with the most cake.
Love him so much it just turns to hate.
I fake it so real I am beyond fake.
And someday, you will ache like I ache.
He only loves those things because he loves to see them break.

Somebody leave a light on.......

Since we are on the subject of mothers....
Even if you are not a Tori fan, you have to appreciate the piano in this song. It makes me miss piano lessons. Too bad my 40 year old piano teacher had to start stalking me when I was 15 and my Dad banned me from piano lessons for life. I guess my parents realized there was a problem when the guy composed numerous songs for me and started leaving me roses at the bottom of my driveway.

Evening

I watched the movie Evening tonight and basically cried on my sofa for 1hr and 45 min. This movie is so sad that it rivals Steel Magnolias and Terms of Endearment. The movie is about 2 sisters who are about to lose their mother and they try to piece together the segments of stories she has told them about her life when she was younger and the "mistakes" she had made.
This movie makes you remember that your mothers weren't always moms and wives. Our mothers cried over boys, had fights with their best friends, got fired from jobs and probably even got really drunk one night and had a one night stand. The problem is they don't always tell us that stuff and sometimes we need to hear it. Sometimes we need to hear about the things that happened BEFORE us and before our fathers came into the picture because it makes us realize that history does repeat itself and we are not that much different than our mothers deep down inside.
My mother is the strongest person I know, the ONLY person in the family who can curse at my father and walk away unscathed. When I was younger my parents fought alot behind closed doors. I was too young to really know what they were fighting about, but I knew it was bad. My mother would eventually walk out of the war zone wearing huge sunglasses (at night in the house) to hide her tears and she would talk to me in her calmest voice like nothing was wrong and she would go back in the kitchen and cook dinner for my Dads family....the same one that they were fighting about 30 minutes earlier. My mothers strength is something I will never know. I have NEVER been able to hide my emotions like she can. When I was 15 and crying hysterically on the phone to a boy that had just dumped me, my mom took the phone out of my hands and told me to never let a man see me cry. I wish I had listened, because I have shed way too many tears in front of way too many men and it did neither me nor them any good and didn't change the outcome of the situation. I still ended up dumped, but instead of walking away proud with my sunglasses on like my mom would have done, I walked away with mascara stains running down my cheeks, swollen eyes and a blotchy complexion. Not exactly the last image you want the "last greatest love of your life" to have forever embedded in his head.............
My mom also told me to never date a bartender and I didn't listen to her then either. I had to find out the hardway.......and ended up walking away with mascara stains running down my cheeks. Our mothers don't dream this stuff up, they lived it and survived it and are attempting to save us from the same heartbreak. Unfortunately, we rarely listen to our mothers.

Do you speak-ah my language?

No One

Alicia Keys is beautiful and talented, and she actually has curves?!

Right Coast Left Coast

I moved out here from the East Coast over 5 years ago now. California changes a person. It gives you a warped sense of reality and slowly chips away at your morals and values the way the ocean wears down the coastline over time. Before you know it you are a platnum blonde with a spray tan, who is scared to eat carbs and stresses out inbetween botox appointments.
There was a time in my life when things were simpler. Back East I could walk into a bar and actually feel pretty. Its not that the people there are any less attractive, its just the superficial stuff is way less important. Men look at your face and your smile, they aren't looking at your pedicure and your boob job-betting if you went through the armpit or not. People shop at Old Navy and Gap because jeans and a cute top will take you anywhere . Coach handbags are the coveted bag of the season and are considered REALLY expensive (and that bag came from the outlet store). Nobody calls you out for caring a fake Mark Jacobs bag. That stuff just isn't important.
There is a sense of family and committment on the East Coast. People want to get married. They want to have kids. In CA the word "marriage" is an instant buzz-kill in any relationship and men run from the word faster than if you told them you had herpes. (I honestly think most guys in CA would date you if you had a raging case of herpes, but they wouldn't date you if you wanted to get married someday.) People eat dinner with their families on a Sunday, they live close by their parents. They have big Christmas's and family reunions involving pig roasts or crabs and beer. In CA people don't even know who their real parents are because they have been remarried and divorced so many times and usually their Dad is dating someone younger than they are. Meanwhile their mom is cougar-ing it up at some local bar after her yoga class, face lift consultation and pet psychic appointment. And this is what the youth of CA have to look forward too- no wonder everyone is so freaked out by marraige.

Whenever I need a reality check its as simple as booking a ticket home. A place where a yard is more than 1/8 of an acre, a pretty girl doesn't need chin implants and a breast augmentation, clothes are just clothes, valets don't park cars in order of most expensive to least expensive and avocados are an alien fruit that people may have seen once or twice in the grocery store,but no one has ever eaten.

In her Shoes

"There isn't anyone you couldn't love once you have heard their story."
-Mary Lou Kownacki

It is really important to take the time to hear a persons story before judging their character. I just recently heard a story about a person who was made fun of for taking to many freebies from a giveaway at work.....little did those around her know that she had just been through a horrible custody battle over her kids and that her children were basically reduced to wearing rags. The clothes she was talking were for her kids, to spare them the embarrassment of getting teased by their peers at school.
Things like this happen around us everyday. Count your blessings and let others live their lives the way they choose without judging their character. We all have moments we are and aren't proud of.

Welcome to my neighborhood....

"You bring all you ever were and are into any relationship you have today."
- Mister Rogers

True Friends

True friends stab you in the front, not the back.

Pieces

How many pieces of your heart can you give away before it stops beating?

Janet died alone in a hotel room in LA as a result of a heroin overdose. She was only 27. At the time she was still drunk on cocktails she had finished approximately an hour earlier at Barney's Beanery in West Hollywood. It is said that she purchased the heroin on Saturday afternoon in an effort to console herself when her boyfriend Seth failed to arrive for a scheduled date.
Earlier that night Janet asked the desk clerk of the Landmark Motor Hotel not to put any phone calls through to her room phone.
At the time of her death, Janet's boyfriend, Seth, was in Joplin's house in Marin County, California that night playing strip poker with a waitress he had just met.
Obviously, he had taken the last piece of her heart with him.

Where do the Lonely hearts go? They go to the bar.

Is there a point in our lives where we finally just give up? A point where we throw our towel in the ring and wave our white flags? Is there a certain age we reach when we just know its the right time to give up? How do you know when to give up on finding true love? I know it sounds desperate and sad...but at what point do you accept the fact that you are NEVER going to meet Mr.Right and you haul yourself out of the dating trap and start to avoid the meat markets (aka the local bar scene). Why would anyone give up, you may ask?....but the reasons are scattered on barstools all over Orange County like ashes from last weeks fires. They are the Cougar women.
I watch these older women sit in the local bars and throw themselves desperately into the paths of single young men. They use corsets to push sagging boob jobs sky high, their faces have been lifted so tight that their skin looks like you could use it as a drum. They all are in competition with one another, racing to buy drinks for men without the slightest bit of regret before someone younger swoops in for their prey. When they see me they no longer look at me with the same envy and hatred they would bestow upon me when I was 21, now they look at me with jealousy because I still have a few "Pretty Years" left in me. They look at me and worry for an instant that I may want the same guy they have been flirting with for the past 2 hours. But they don't want to fight me for him, because they know that they will win in the end because they have something I don't have yet- they have a total lack of self respect. They let all the men before this one slowly take their self respect one piece at a time and now they will do anything just to feel wanted for an hour, or if they are lucky, one whole night. They wake up in strange beds often, always with the glimmer of hope that he may call again. But he never does. And they repeat the entire process again another night at another bar.
So the question is, How do we keep this from happening to ourselves? When do we realize that we can LOVE all we want, but without anyone loving us back...it still doesn't make us feel better inside. When do you accept the fact that you can be the greatest person on earth, but if there is no one to appreciate that greatness, then you are just that tree that fell silently in the woods because no one was there to hear the sound of your fall?

Story of my Life....Boredom

The Pierces are so NYC. They are beautiful, talented and unusual. I love their music. They are sisters too- which makes them rad.

The Morning Pages

I fund this band thru one of my favorite bands, The Pierces. This song is so good and the song actually has the Pierce sisters singing in it. It reminds me of the music I grew up on.

All Hallow's Eve

On Halloween, it is said that their is a bridge between the living and the dead. This day is used as a way to honor, remember and communicate with loved ones who have passed. I found this "spell" and I thought it might be a nice way to honor those that we have loved and lost.

Upon Each Samhain

I miss you most upon each Samhain
When the boundary turns to sheer
I wait until the veil is parted
At the ending of the year.
Sweet spirit, as you walk among us
At the tolling of this eve
I see your face beyond the sunset
And hear your voice upon the breeze.
In the glowing of the candle,
From the shadow on the wall
I watch for you in every movement
And hear your footsteps in the hall.
Can you sit and spend the evening
As the portal opens wide?
Ancestral dead, I bid you welcome
Most recent dead, I pray, abide.

When you come I sense your presence
I put my hand out in the air
A moment, then, we stand united
Palm to palm while waiting there.
I miss you most upon each Samhain
When the boundary turns to sheer
We share these hours until the dawning
Then bid farewell until next year.

1988 David O. Norris

Another Personality Profile

You are a NEGOTIATOR/explorer

You are a big thinker. You easily take the large, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and to think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy theorizing.

You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people's faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you tend to intuitively understand what people want and need.

You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you sometimes make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend or colleague. And you like to work to improve the world.

You enjoy new ideas and novel experiences. You are flexible, affable and open to adventure. And you admire impulsive, spontaneous people, despite your tendency to plan ahead.

You dislike conflict. You seek "win-win" solutions. And with your skill as a negotiator, you adeptly bring peace to the chaotic world around you. You are a warm, insightful and often exciting companion.

Dating Tips for Negotiators

In the beginning of a relationship, try not to over think the situation or over—react to minor set backs. If there's chemistry and compassion, it will all work out.
You may be so diplomatic that your potential partner is unclear who you are. Take a chance at being more direct and decisive.
Rather than waiting for the right moment, interrupt now and then with some of your imaginative and broad—minded ideas; it can lead to sparkling, involved conversation and close companionship.
Let a potential partner know your boundaries, needs and hopes. This way he or she will be able to act accordingly to deepen the bond.
Talking is only one form of intimacy. Try doing something side by side with him or her, particularly something new and collaborative.

Post Secret

This is an amazing project you ned to check out. This guy gets people all over the world to send him anonyomus secrets on a post card and he publishes them all in a book. Check out his blog. I love it.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com

Dating Check List. Please complete before calling me.

The Dating Checklist. Please answer the questions below as honestly as possible .

1. Do you live with your parents?
2. Is your bed attached to someone elses (aka BUNK BED situation?)
3. Do you own a car?
4. If not, was your license revoked for a DUI or other misdemeaner?
5. Do you smoke weed? If so, how many times a week?
6. If you smoke weed, is it to the point where you own a bong and you get excited about "glass pieces" and special types of weed like, Hawaiian Red Hair?
7. Are you an alcoholic?
8. Are you an alcoholic mess?
9. Do you start bar fights when drunk for no reason?
10. Do you pass out on your floor or someone else's floor at least 3 times a week?
11. Were you ever in a fraternity? If so, do you still have fraternity paraphenelia scattered around your room?
12. Do you have pictures of girls torn out of Maxim magazine taped to your refrigerator?
13. If you do have these pictures taped to your fridge; (a) do you really think you have a chance with this girl
(b) do you really believe that that picture was not airbrushed?
14. Have you ever used the word "orgy" in a conversation?
15. Are you more mature than you were at age 14, or still the same?
16. Do you have trouble making decisions about EVERYTHING?
17. Are you a sex addict?
18. Do you pack an overnight bag and keep it in your car, just so you have clean clothes when you wake up at some random chicks house the morning after?
19. Do you have a psycho ex- girlfriend? If so, is she crazy because of things you did to her?
20. Do you like asian girls?
21. Are you addicted to porn?
22. Do you have gay tendencies and you feel confused about your sexuality?
23. Are you addicted to tattoos?
24. Do you expect girls to talk to you like they are Jennna Jamison when you are in bed with them?
25. Do you send out mass text messages after midnight to multiple girls, hoping one will write you back so you don't have to sleep alone?
26. Do you keep a huge box (think 90+) of condoms in the night stand next to your bed? If so, is the box torn open and 1/2 empty? If you answered yes to that question, how long has that box been in your nightstand?
27. Would you ever be caught dead in a pair of true religion jeans, a Tap Out tee shirt, fedora or square toed Kenneth Cole Reaction loafers?
28. Do you have a tribal art tattoo?
29. Have you ever frequented the following places; Sutra Lounge, Chronic Kantina, Lake Havasu, or any Hong Kong Massage Parlors?
30. Do you smell like cigarettes and vomit on any given saturday night?
31. Do you drive a monster truck?
32. Is your mother crazy? Does mental illness run in your family?
33. Are you nice to animals?
34. Is your best friend an egotistical womanizing maniac that hits on your girlfriends when you are not around and then denies it? If so, do you think he is cool?
35. Do you have STD's?
36. When you are on a date, do you have trouble paying attention because you are too busy checking out the fake boobs on every other girl in the restaurant?
37. Do you have committment issues? If so, do you still try to blame this on the girl that broke your heart 8 years ago?
38. Are you a cheater? If so, when you get caught cheating, do you try to make the person that caught you out to be a crazy psycho from hell, just to make yourself feel better?
39. Do you usually date girls that are not old enough to drink?
40. Do you think every girl that goes out with you on a date wants to be your girlfriend?

Thank You!

Bat For Lashes

So amazing........

I'm not the only one???

My new favorite site (makes me feel better about the guys I date).

www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com



Thank you Emily, for finding this jem of a website.

Wristcutters

I went to this movie premiere in Hollywood last night not knowing what to expect. I was completely surprised at how good this movie was. It took a taboo subject and made light of it in a way that was entertaining and compelling. You have to see this movie. You will not be disappointed. I love this film.
Interesting side note- all the songs on the soundtrack to this movie are by artists that took their own lives (with the exception of GoGol Bordello).

How many is too many?

This question has been coming up alot in the last few days.....How many people can you sleep with before you are considered a turbo slut?
I mean, normally a guy wouldn't ask you how many people you have slept with, but every once in awhile you come across the one guy that does care. My ex claimed he wouldn't date a girl that slept with enough guys to be in the double didgits. I have friends in their 20's that have slept with only one guy and I know girls that have slept with at least 70 guys. I know girls that are honest about how many guys that have gotten down with and I know some that have a special formula they use to get their numbers down to what they consider "acceptable" (divide by 1/2 and subtract -2).
So, what is the magic number? And should you be judged on your past?
There are some positive factors to women that have been with many sex partners- they are more experienced in bed, nothing surprises them, you probably don't have the weirdest or smallest penis they have ever seen, they genuinely enjoy sex, and they won't judge you on your man-whore ways....but everyone loves to hate the girl that has been with alot of guys. Our society has warped itself into believing that a man that sleeps around is more desireable to the opposite sex and he is socially accepted and rewarded for his promiscuity. BUT, when a woman is honest about her numerous sex partners she is considered to be less of a person and is looked at as dirty. How is this fair?
Why are women supposed to be ashamed of their past while men are expected to be proud of theirs?

Drive-Bys

Today my X got caught doing the "drive-by". I know, I know...we have all done the "drive-by" at one time or another. But usually you make your friend take her car or you do it at night. Not many people are curious enough to risk getting caught doing the broad daylight, mid-afternoon drive-by. I normally wouldn't even call a guy out for doing this, but he freaked out when I called him one time a few weeks ago because our dog was sick and he accused me of making it up for attention.....so why the f#ck is he driving by my house? Does he want attention? Or is he just curious to see if I am home in the middle of the afternoon on a sunday?
In summary- don't drive by my house. I'll be more than happy to tell you where I was and where I am going...without you.

We are all Blind

Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less

True Romance

I told you right from the start. a knife up to your throat for one put through my heart. couldn't hold on and this i should've known. thinking back as i walk the night alone. i told you that my love was true. i asked you to walk away if you don't feel like i do. you whispered that you would be mine always. i felt myself slipping away. i love you forever, 'til death do us part. night gives no rest and i cannot sleep. when i can i see your face, it's tattooed on my dreams. purple heart pumps sorrow through my veins. i awaken, i'm calling out your name. i often think back to that night... the moment when i found out that our love was a lie. felt like i would die, i couldn't stand the pain. and there's nothing left except one thing, i've gotta see you again. i love you forever, 'til death do us part. forever is over, forever is over. it's over, it's over, it ended on that night...
-Tiger Army

@ The Wiltern Nov 17....

Mother Goose

Canadian geese have a human-like connection with their mate and their families. If one partner is injured or killed, its mate will stay behind and guard the body.....secluding herself from the other geese. If a heavy winter is coming, sometimes the misplaced goose will lay down and die next to her lovers body. Those who have spent time observing geese report that they experience emotions just as we do.
After a partner dies, some geese spend the rest of their lives as widows, refusing to mate again—this can be a long time, because geese live up to 25 years.
Maybe we could learn something from geese.

I'm the biggest loser ever!

So, my mom has been harrassing me about eHarmony because all her friends kids are marrying guys they met on that site.
I wanted to prove to her that everyone involved with internet dating are big losers so that she will stop thinking that it is the answer to all my problems.
So, tonight I log on to the stupid eHarmony website. I answer 400 questions about myself and then I wait. I wait for it to pop up a bunch of pictures of eligible bachelors in my area...preparing myself to laugh at the lame guys they link me to romantically. I am totally ready to send my mom the pictures of these weirdos and say "See! There are no NORMAL and ATTRACTIVE guys that do online dating". But then a message pops up. Where are the random guy photos?? Wait, this message is NOT from my future soulmate, but rather from the eHarmoy people. They tell me that they are unable to find me a match in southern CA. It appears I am one of the 20% of people out there who are basically "undate-able" and obviously really fucked up. Are you kidding me? How can I not even qualify to date 1 guy in the state of CA? Have you seen the people that date online? They are usually balding, addicted to porn and have skin like the "Before" pictures on a ProActiv commercial! That guy won't even date me? I even said I'd date a guy who had kids, I figured there has to be lots of girls out there that DON'T want to deal with somebody elses kid,so I thought it might help me find a diamond in the rough. But even the low-income guy with a crazy ex-wife and ADHD kid probems isn't interested in me?!
There is a serious problem here.......I need counselling, not an online dating service!

This was their message:
eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.
We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.
Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

Then they gave me a personality profile telling me why no one will ever date me:

Though your motives arise from genuine compassion, some people might think of you as "a little too good to be true." They could suspect that your kindness is something you use to ingratiate yourself with others or to get them to like you. Others may suspect that your altruism is a mask for your own problems; you take care of others but never let others get to know you well enough to offer you their care. Some of this suspicion may be genuine; they just can't believe you're this kind. But it may also be triggered by envy; people see in you a tenderheartedness they don't find in themselves, and it makes them uncomfortable so they take it out on you with their suspicions.
Another critical response others may have may be something you want to take a serious look at. If you spend your time taking care of others, you may not have enough left to take very good care of yourself. If you're always asking, "What can I do for you?", you may not focus enough on your own needs. You're so busy taking care of others that you neglect yourself and empty your reserves of energy and good health. Like we said, give it consideration and if it doesn't fit move on.

Now that they have ripped down my self-confidence to a non-existant level they try to build me back up again with these kind words (loosely translated as "Homeless people think you are great, but Good Luck ever finding a boyfriend, LOSER!":

For the most part, people will feel gifted to come across someone like you. For those you help, you will be light in the darkness, a hand up when they've fallen into a ditch. Your true graciousness and selflessness is rather rare these days and is often a breath of fresh air in this all too often dog-eat-dog world. Others will see in you the kindness that each of us seeks in life, both in our own characters and in our relationships with others. And you will become a model of that honest compassion; someone others may even look up to. Hopefully that feels okay to you.

3 words

"i adore you" are the 3 sweetest words a person can say to another person.

If there was a movie about Josh...........

This would be his scene ( but he would also refuse to wear shoes.)
Gotta' love him or hate him.....there's no in between.



Compliments of Jessica....

CREEP

This song never gets old....and neither do silk pajamas.

Bah-Humbug

I saw this online today (WGSN)and figured I'd post it because Christmas is right around the corner and we are all starting to get in gift-buying/ present mode.
I just thought I'd help the ladies out by reminding all those guys out there who are tempted to buy their girlfriends Home Electronics and Housewares this year for X-mas, you really shouldn't. Grandmothers and Parents buy their kids crockpots and Ipods. Its not about the money at all either, it is the sentiment. If you can not think of one thing that is more romantic than a coffee pot for the person you supposedly love, just write them a nice card or invite them to spend some quality time with you doing charity work one day.
Oh, and never believe the girl that tells you she doesn't want anything for Chritmas. That's just weird.

The article I read today about the Hottest Gift this season:

Jewellery is expected to be one of the hottest sellers this Holiday season, according to The National Retail Federation.
In a media briefing entitled "Hot or Not: What to Expect from Stores this Holiday Season", the NRF said jewellery is set to dominate gift buying.
Diamonds are expected to sell well, with watches set to gather momentum with a broader range of luxury and fashion styles available, said Dan Butler, NRF vice-president of merchandising and retail operations.

-WGSN 9/10/07

My girft suggestion for those who really can't think of anything romantic to buy their GF.
The $150 Tiffany Heart Ring. Its reasonably priced. The heart is a symbol of love and it comes in the famous "Robins Egg Blue Box". You will forever be known as the guy that bought her Tiffany. Every girl has the Breakfast at Tiffany's fantasy rolling around in her head. So, be that guy. If you buy her an appliance she will end up using it to cook romantic dinners for the NEXT guy. Promise.

WHY?

Why does it always seem to come to this?

Leave the Pieces

Country music just seems to be more heart-felt to me. The lyrics are always real and they make you sad or cheer you up, or make you want to burn down your neighbors trailer. Either way country music is like therapy for matters of the heart.
(At least it works for my "Pennslyvania born and raised" heart).
I discovered this song through my friend Maegan, who has been through ALOT recently.......

Suppose I Never Ever Met You.....

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart

And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall

Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart

Don't Bite

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-Albert Einstein

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is the month dedicated to making ourselves more aware of Breast Cancer and it is also the month that breast cancer has affected the life of someone very close to me. Just yesterday one of my best friends got the terrible news that her mother was diagnosed with an agressive form of breast cancer. Please keep her and her family in your prayers this month as they fight this thing together and take the steps you need to to keep yourself cancer free.

From the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month's website:
While you can't control the age at which breast cancer strikes, you can take steps to up your odds of diagnosing it early, which in turn ups your odds of beating it. For starters, if you have a family history of the disease, begin screening 10 years earlier than the age at which your relative was diagnosed, says Shockney. If possible, go to a facility that offers digital mammography, which has higher detection rates than standard mammography in women under age 50, according to the National Cancer Institute (NCI). If you have a strong family history of the disease -- two or more first-degree family members, like your mom or sister, have been diagnosed -- ask your doctor about more specific diagnostic tests like BRCA gene testing, which looks for hereditary gene mutations that are linked with breast cancer. And know that even if you don't have breast cancer in your immediate family, you may still be at risk if you have relatives with hormone-driven cancers like prostate or ovarian cancer, which are also linked to BRCA gene mutations.

Regardless of your age or family history, have an annual clinical breast exam and do a monthly self-exam. If you do find a lump, don't panic -- about 80 percent of biopsied breast lumps are benign. But do call your ob/gyn right away to discuss further testing. And if he says you're too young to worry, tell him you're too young not to -- and find another doctor.
http://www.redbookmag.com/your/who-gets-breast-cancer

It's a Barbie World

I love Mark Ryden. His art is disturbing and beautiful all at the same time. If you haven't been exposed to his art you need get out to one of his shows so that you can truely appreciate his work.

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up"
-Pablo Picasso

Sunday Morning

Love the song, love the video, love Gwen
Oh and this is my next hair style.....

Throw Caution to The Wind

Because everybody needs to watch this scene everyonce in awhile......just to make them believe in something.

Might've Saved a Little Trouble for the Next Girl

I heard this song today and had to post it. Now that T and I are friends, we can look back on that little incident that occured 4 years ago and almost laugh. Yeah, it costed me close to $5000 in attorney fees, but you can't put a price on Pride. I think we both learned some valuable lessons from that one.
I would advise not to damage personal property in a random act of revenge because it will end up causing you way more trouble, and money, in the long run.....but I am no stranger to the feeling of rage and the destruction it can cause. Sometimes you have to burn all your bridges so they can be re-built stronger and more sound.

Girlfriend Status?

Ok. So the theme today is "Guys you dated that you did nothing but be nice to then they dump you for no reason, but you are cool about it and want to stay friends with them but they hate you for no reason." This conversation continually comes up between my girlfriends and I. Lately, there is has been an increase is this phenomenon.
Why does this happen? Do guys get upset when we DON'T freak out, go crazy or stalk them after a break up?
Is it immaturity that keeps men from being friends with girls from their past? Isn't that the purpose of "dating"- getting to know someone to see if you want a future with this person someday? So, why should anyone get pissed off if it just isn't working out?

Oh, and while we are on this topic--
If I only dated you for a few weeks/ months it DOES not mean I thought you were my boyfriend and I may not even have been that into you anyway. You don't have to ignore me after you give me the "you don't want a girlfriend speech". I wasn't trying to be your girlfriend. When I list the traits I am looking for in a person that I see myself "dating" someday; spoiled, self-loathing, self-centered, ungenerous, ungreatful, and asshole aren't usually on there.
It works both ways, sometimes we aren't that excited about you either. For instance, when you pretend the green onion on your sushi plate is a joint, and then you pretend smoke it and pass it to the people at the table next to ours, I know we do not have a future together. Therefore, I am in no way trying to be your girlfriend. I'm just along for the ride until a better train rolls thru the station. BUT, even though I was completely appalled when you refused to wear shoes into a restuarant and you threw a child-like temper trantrum on the parking lot for no reason- I do still want to be your friend...because when you aren't bitching and complaining about how bad your life sucks, you are kind of fun.

Wreck of the Day.

This really should be my theme song, because every day i create some new kind of wreck for myself....

Tranny Time

Halloween isn't Halloween without a midnight showing of one of my favorite movies ever......
The Rocky Horror Picture Show!
If you have never experienced a midnight showing of Rocky Horror, you are in for quite an experience. See, the thing that sets RH apart from all other horror films is that you can't just watch this movie.....you have to participate. RH fans dress in costume, they recite movie lines, bring props and sing and dance in the aisles. Don't be surprised if you get hit in the head with burnt toast at a midnight showing of RH or freak out when you realize the chick next to you is really a tranny....

Not to mention, this film has history!- Rocky Horror is the longest running theatrical release in film history. It is also the most successful midnight movie of all times. RH was first released in 1975 and it features some random celebs like Susan Sarandon and Meatloaf?! RH is a cult classic

So, bring your; toast, water, toilet paper, hot dogs, underwear, rice, confetti, buttered toast, newspaper, rain coats, and squirt guns and lets do the Time Warp at midnight!


Me First and The Gimmie Gimmies love Sweet Transvestites too:

Saturday Night Live

You know where and when.......



Made off
Don't stray
My kind's your kind
I'll stay the same

Pack up
Don't stray
Oh, say say say
Oh, say say say

Wait! they don't love you like i love you
Wait! they don't love you like i love you

Translyvanian Concubine

I was first introduced to Rasputina at a Marilyn Manson concert about 10 years ago. Rasputina consists of 3 cellists who are more like a covenant of witches than a band. Their sound is unusual and addicting. I can't even explain it....you just need to hear it for yourself. I love their album "Thanks for the Ether", its so weird that you need to listen to it a few times to appreciate it. They make me wish I had committed myself to cello lessons in school. Hmm...maybe I will have to get myself a cello now and start learning.
Anyway, here is a cover they did. Enjoy.

1-2-3-4 Tell me you love me more....

This video makes me happy. I don't know if it is the dancing, the song or her amazing blue sequined onepiece, but the song makes me want to dance around and kick at the air like Sally O'Malley!



"1234"

One Two Three Four
Tell me that you love me more
Sleepless long nights
That is what my youth was for

Old teenage hopes are alive at your door
Left you with nothing but they want some more

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, You know who you are

Sweetheart bitterheart now I can tell you apart
Cosy and cold, put the horse before the cart

Those teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes
Too scared to own up to one little lie

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are

One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then
One, two, three, four, five, six, nine, or ten
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then

Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are
Oh, you're changing your heart
Oh, you know who you are
Oh, who you are

For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart
For the teenage boys
They're breaking your heart

I have Triskaidekaphobia

I'm not the only one:

In Scotland, there is no terminal 13 in any airport, instead there is a terminal 12B.
Some airplanes skip a row 13, going straight from 12 to 14.
Some tall buildings have resorted to skipping the "thirteenth floor", either by numbering it "14" or as "12a".
Some streets do not contain a house number 13.
The Code of Hammurabi, a collection of laws created ca. 1760 BC, does not contain a thirteenth law.
On the 13th day of the Persian new year (Norouz), people consider staying at home unlucky, and go outside for a picnic in order to ward off the bad luck.
Most race car drivers consider 13 a very unlucky number, as a car carrying that number has never won the Indianapolis 500 or a NASCAR Nextel Cup race. Some NASCAR tracks refuse to have a pit stall #13.
At the Universal Studios sound stages in California, there is no sound stage numbered 13.
Microsoft plans to skip Office 13 for being "an unlucky number," going directly from Office 12 to Office 14.
The early Romans thought 13 was a sign of death and destruction.
According to Norse mythology, if you sat 13 people down at a table, that was very unlucky. (Why? At a banquet of 12 people in Valhalla, an intruder (number 13 ) caused the death of Balders son Odin).
Witches meet in covens that have 13 members.
The fear of the number 13 is called triskaidekaphobia.
Next time you fly, see if there is a row 13 in the plane.
Movers, doctors and dentists say their business drops on Friday the 13th.
The good news is that a maximum of three Friday the 13th can occur in a year, and sometimes there is just one.

The US $1 Dollar Bill is a hotbed of 13's:
13 levels in the pyramid, 13 stars, 13 arrows, 13 stripes, 13 leaves, and 13 olives.
I swear. Check it for yourself!

Obsessed.

I am completely obsessed with this place and have wanted to go here for YEARS and have not gotten the chance to. Its like a homage for me, because Sarah Winchester could quite possibly be even more obsessed with the number 13 than me.
Just wanted to bring it up, because it is getting close to halloween and this place is freaking creepy!


WINCHESTER MYSTERY HOUSE:
Deeply saddened by the deaths of her daughter Annie in 1866 and her husband in 1881, and seeking solace, Sarah Winchester consulted a medium on the advice of a friend. According to popular history, the medium, who has become known colloquially as the "Boston Medium", told Winchester that there was a curse upon the Winchester family because the guns they made had taken so many lives. She told Winchester that "thousands of people have died because of it and their spirits are now seeking vengeance."
Although this is disputed, many believe the Boston Medium told Sarah Winchester that she had to leave her home in New Haven and travel West, where she must "build a home for yourself and for the spirits who have fallen from this terrible weapon, too. You can never stop building the house. If you continue building, you will live. Stop and you will die." Whether this tale is true or not, Winchester did move west, settling in California, where she began construction on her mansion.
Sarah Winchester inherited more than $20 million upon her husband's death. She also received nearly 50 percent ownership of the Winchester Repeating Arms Company, giving her an income of roughly $1,000 per day, none of which was taxable until 1913. This amount is roughly equivalent to $21,000 a day in 2006 dollars. All of this gave her a tremendous pool of wealth from which to draw to fund construction on the mansion.

Its coming.......

As only Marilyn Manson can do it......

Romantic dinner?

We're cooking dinner at my house for Halloween this year. Lets hope it turns out like this.

It's a long way up........

The video may be a little too much like a bad hallmark card, but the song and the words are so good.

Boundary Issues

"I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. i have issues with boundaries, one must HAVE boundaries in the first place, right? But I DISAAPEAR into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have EVERYTHING. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time.....EVERYTHING. If I love you, i will carry for you all your pain, i will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protct you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that they only way I can recover my energy is by becomming infatuated with someone else."

-eat, pray, love

The Definition of a True Soul Mate

Soul Mate:
" People think a soul mate is your perfect fit. That is what everyone wants to believe. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that has been holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so that you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and shake you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? That is too painful. Soul mates come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. The problem is, sometimes it is hard to let them go.

My soul mates purpose was to get me over a marriage I needed to be over and to tear up my ego a little, showing me my obstacles and addictions, breaking my heart open so that a new light could get in, and making me so desperate and out of control that I HAD to transform my life......."

-Eat, Pray, Love

It'll All Work Out

She wore faded jeans and soft black leather
She had eyes so blue they looked like weather
When she needed me I wasn't around
That's the way it goes, it'll all work out

There were times apart, there were times together
I was pledged to her for worse or better
When it mattered most I let her down
That's the way it goes, it'll all work out

It'll all work out eventually
Better off with him than here with me

It'll all work out eventually
Maybe better off with him than here with me

Now the wind is high and the rain is heavy
And the water's rising in the levee
Still I think of her when the sun goes down
It never goes away, but it all works out

-Tom Petty-

"I'm impossible to forget but hard to remember."

Watched Elizabethtown AGAIN this weekend. More amazing everytime I watch it.



SUBSTITUTE PEOPLE

How many do you have to kiss?

How many toads can one girl kiss?!

Black and White, Silver and Gold

Black and White

There are some things in life that come in black and white- tuxedos, newspapers, checkerboards, playing cards, dice......Feelings are pretty black and white too. For instance; Do you love me or not? Do you want me or not? Does it hurt you when you think about the possibility of me f#cking someone else or not? Are you ready to let me go or not?
Black and White. Pick one and wear it proudly. We are at the end of our line and I've already picked my team. I've never looked good in white.


Silver and Gold

Silver and gold are another color combination like black and white- but unlike black and white, one is more valuable in this combination. Gold is worth more than silver and right now I am as GOLD as f'ing Pony Boy Curtis.
I was your silver lining, but its OK because now I'm gold.
(Thanks Liz, I LOVE Rilo Kiley too)

Take me home country roads........

Can't wait to be back in PA. A place where all the women don't look like Barbies, but they are beautiful all the same.
The place I call home. Eating my mom's fattening food (she uses REAL butter) and riding Harley's with my Dad.
And, NO...just because I grew up in PA does not mean I am Amish.

I just want to sleep....

INSOMNIA- Insomnia is a sleep disorder characterized by an inability to sleep and/or inability to remain asleep for a reasonable period. Insomniacs typically complain of being unable to close their eyes or "rest their mind" for more than a few minutes at a time. Both organic and nonorganic insomnia constitute a sleep disorder. Insomnia can be caused by:
Psychological problems like fear, stress, anxiety, emotional or mental tension, work problems, financial stress, unsatisfactory sex life (what sex life?)
Mental Disorders such as clinical depression, bipolar disorder, general anxiety disorder, sleep disorders
Disturbances of the circadian rhythm such as shift work and jet lag.
Certain neurological disorders, brain lesions, or a history of Traumatic brain injury
Medical conditions such as Hyperthyroidism
Insomnia also sometimes occurs for no apparent reason. An overactive mind or physical pain may also be causes. Finding the underlying cause of insomnia is usually necessary to cure it. Insomnia can be common after the loss of a loved one.

Colorblind

If you weren't madly in love with Sebastian after watching this movie there is something wrong with you (unless you are a guy, of course). I'm reall sad that Ryan cheated on Reese. I think I need to boycott him.

You have been the one........

Why does it always take losing something to realize what you have let go?




"I will bear my soul sometime when I am kneeling at your feet"

You really shouldn't continually try to provoke the crazy chick, because than this happens..........

There is this girl in my life who used to be a friend until she used me to try to date someone I loved deeply (and she knew that at the time). This girl is the deceptive type- the one that asks questions so that she can take those answers and make them her own. We have all met a girl like this in our lives. They are the ones that have no personality of their own, no style, and no original ideas. She is like a chamelon who rubbed against my branches just to steal my color. She steals a little color from everyone she meets and uses it to form an image of herself she thinks people will like. If she is into a guy with tattoos she covers her body with tattoos, if she is into a guy that lives in the 909 she drives a monster truck and puts bad extensions in her hair........etc.
Now she has resorted to stealing my ideas and attempting to steal my friends. Honestly, its a compliment to me that she wants my ex-boyfriend, my style, my friends, my party ideas, my life...........but she should be careful what she wishes for. My scars run deep and she doesn't have what it takes to walk in my shoes. Let alone eat the gum off the bottom of them.
I only wish she had something I wanted to take from her because I can resort too stealing too. Unfortunately, she has nothing worth taking.
Oh, and Envy looks really unattractive on some people, especially around the stomach area.

Wow, its amazing how well Wellbutrin works. I'm like a new happy, cheery person with absolutely no hate in my heart. :)

I year and a few days......

RIP Tige. We miss you. Thank you for telling me you loved me before you left.
We will meet again and this time you'll have my roses, dammit!
My favorite memory of you was in Ocean City with Brad, Kip and Cindy. You were riding around everywhere on that long skateboard and you were doing backflips off cars, piers, steps- everything. I told you that you looked like Sebastian from Cruel Intentions- I guess everyone used to tell you that, but we'll pretend I was the first ;) What I wouldn't give to be back on the sand on that beach at that time, before life tore us all apart. I'm just happy I have a picture of that one moment in time.....when we were all tan, skinny, in love and really freaking happy. I only wish we had realized it then.

MAD LOVE

I was obsessed with this movie growing up. I wanted to be EXACTLY like Drew Barrymore in this movie when I was younger and I think I succeeded (minus the part about taping pictures of eyes allover a dirty hotel room in Tijauana- but who knows, there's still time, right?!). I wanted THIS realtionship. I'm serious! How weird is it that out of ALL the early 90's love films I picked this one to immitate? I completely forgot how crazy I was about this movie until I saw this clip!
If you've ever dated me- watch this movie. It will explain ALOT......

A little secret of mine- my love of butterflies was intensified to such a higher level after watching this movie ("Butterfies are Free") I went and had one tattooed on my back. Yep, that was the inspiration......I completely forgot that until just now. Random......Oh, and I still listen to 7 Year Bitch and Magnapop :)


MAGNAPOP.
Love them.......

It's coming.......

Halloween is my favorite holiday ever.

If you ever read this D$... do you remember how obsessed I was with the Nightmare Before Christmas video game? I LOVED that game. Thanks for letting me play it for hours on end, taking over your TV, while you read tattoo magazines! I am STILL angry about the bat situation. Do you know what it is like to play a game for 40+ hours and ALMOST beat the level you need to beat to move on to Christmas town, and then there is a stupid glitch in the game that won't allow you to turn in all the bats you collected?! I needed 6 bats. I found all 6. But, the game had problems accepting this fact, and who wants to replay the ENTIRE game from that point on, not knowing if it will accept your bats the second time? It's honestly been a year since this happened and I am STILL so frustrated that I will never get sucked into another viedo game again!

I prefer the worst of you, too bad you had to have a better half.

Since I'm in an Ani DiFranco phase...here's the ultimate break-up song.
If you listen to this song over and over again the words begin to become yours and you start to stop feeling sad for yourself and you start wanting to be able to say "fuck you" with the same intensity she does. Its therapeutic actually.



untouchable face


think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you

i could make you happy, you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much

2:30 in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
safe haven of the sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down the top 20 country songs

out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
you know i really don't look forward
to seeing you again soon.

you look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
i won't know what to do
i won't know what to say

so fuck you...

i see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you...